Strive to be a Prism, Not a Mirror.

Photo by Oscar Blair on Unsplash

​I had to explain the other day to someone why the term ‘Anti-Vaxxer’ was offense.
Now bear with me, this is not that kind of post. Rather this is to illustrate the harmful impact global, broad spectrum labels can have.
​
 

---

This is a broad spectrum label that is used to describe anyone that challenges or questions the current CDC vaccine recommendations or schedule. It is meant to divide us into an ‘us’ or ‘them’ mentality. If you are not with us, you are against us. Science and society progress by asking questions and exploring. No matter where you are located on the vaccine debate spectrum, and it IS a spectrum, all voices have value, all voices deserve to be heard and they are certainly attached to an experience which affords knowledge and wisdom.
 
You see, when you use broad spectrum labels, it devalues the uniqueness and intricacies of personal perspective, opinion, and experience. Especially when we add ‘The’ in front of the label, The Anti-Vaxxers, The Republicans, The Trumpsters, The Democrats, even The Catholics.
 
I have been listening to Brené Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness. In this book she talks about connection, she says, “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
 
See, as humans, we long for connection. We do this through a variety of practices like music, art, writing, conversation, even through body language as simple as a smile or eye contact. As communicators, we try to find ways that others ‘see’ us.
 
There are several memes out there with inspiring quotes that talk about finding your ‘tribe’ often with a woman dressed in earthly wears in a posed position that tries to portray freedom such as her hands up in the air or dancing with a group of women dressed in the like. But Brené makes a good point, that your tribe are not those that think like you, in actuality, those in your ‘tribe’ should be diverse in their perspectives and opinions. Your ‘tribe’ should be comprised by those that listen to what you have to say, providing a safe space to express your authentic self, challenging you in a respectful manner that allows for contemplation to new ideas that promotes growth not only in yourself, but also others in your ‘tribe’.
 
By taking one aspect of what someone says and applying a broad spectrum label with the assumption that all aspects of that label apply to that person devalues the uniqueness and intricacies of their personal perspective, opinion, and experiences. We shut the door to that safe space, we empower the ‘us’ versus ‘them’ mentality and suffer in whole as a community.
Brené talks about how she was with a group of women at a conference. She made the comment that her and her dad were excited to teach her children how to shoot skeet. The following exchange unfolded:
 
One woman looked horrified and said "I'm very surprised to hear you're a gun lover, you don't strike me as the NRA type" Brené said "I'm not sure what you mean by gun lover or the NRA type" the woman then said "If you're teaching your child how to shoot a gun then I'm assuming you support gun ownership and the NRA" .
Brené then said "you're one for two in your assumption, I do support responsible gun ownership, I do not in anyway support the NRA just because I support responsible gun ownership." The woman looked mad and confused "but with all the school shootings, I don't understand why you don't support gun control" Brené was frustrated, and then said "I absolutely do support common sense gun laws, I support background checks and waiting periods, I don't believe it should be allowed to have automatic magazines or..." the woman was so angry at this point she then said "you either support guns or you don't" Brené then mustered up the most empathy she had and said "I know that this is a hard and heart breaking issue but I don't think you're hearing me I'm not going to participate in a debate where the issue is reduced to you either support guns or you don't. It's too important, if you want to have a longer conversation about it, I'm happy to do that and I wouldn't be surprised if the same issues piss us off and scare us." The woman excused herself and stormed away.
 
While Brené had the bravery to express her authentic self, it was not in a place that she could express her vulnerability with the safety of being heard. The broad spectrum label for which the woman applied to Brené superseded any opportunity for constructive exchange and growth for both involved. There is safety in broad spectrum labels. There is a sense that you have an army that will have your back when you are the one that applies it. It’s also lazy communication. To communicate otherwise, requires the time and the energy to actually listen and explore. It also requires you to divorce yourself from using the labels to describe yourself. Often, when we are asked about where we stand on an issue, we respond with the broad spectrum label and watch for the other person’s reaction. Some, when noticing a less than acceptable response whether it is verbal or physical will start back peddling with caveats or disclaimers, unless you have the ability to be brave and stand in your authenticity. And let me tell you, it IS an act of bravery, and it DOES take practice.
 
When we do not engage and express our authentic self, we shrink into ourselves. Even if we surround ourselves with those that share our opinions, our growth is then stunted. There is limited opportunity to evolve, and even if you do, slowly, you become an outsider within your own social construct. How many times in your life have you ‘drifted’ from a friendship because your lives went different directions or you just didn’t share the same interests? It can be a natural progression, but what if it didn’t HAVE to be? Why do we strive for ‘yes people’ in our lives when a diverse social circle can offer so much more? It’s a false sense of security, its fragile, and its restrictive. Forging relationships based on mutual valuation, respectful debate, and honoring each other’s opinions when they differ offer true security, promote growth, and contribute so much more color to our connections to one another.